But Where do we go from here . . . ?

Have you ever found your life in a crossroads or in our case the end of a bridge with no road on the other side and you have no idea where you were headed? Well, that kind of explains our life over the past few months when my husbands time in ministry suddenly came to an end. Honestly it was something we knew was coming. We just didn't want to say it, didn't want to admit it . . . but we knew. My husband and I had been in a struggle of transition for over a year somehow trying to avoid the calling of God for us to make a change. We continued to the point that God just stepped in and said, "OK Johnson's, it's time for you to move on!" At that point we had no choice but to take that leap of faith knowing that God was calling our time of ministry there to an end. When the decision came to us we didn't even hesitate. We gave our answer almost immediately knowing in our hearts that it was the decision God was insisting that we make! It was like God vividly said to us, "this is it . . . it's time!" We did not even have a plan, there was no back up . . .  NOTHING . . . but two children, three foster children (at that time) and a mortgage and many, many other bills. It's that point in your life where you sit awake ALL night together as husband and wife through tears on your knees in prayer saying, "OK, God if this is it then what? How will we EVER make it?" You see, we KNEW in our hearts what had to be done but man, it was a very scary, emotional night for us. I don't think I'll ever forget in my lifetime that night clinging to my husband in utter disbelief that we were just going to be completely obedient and trust HIM completely. You see, never in our marriage had we ever had to COMPLETELY trust HIM! Sure, we've had some rough times and challenges but this was a time when we had to commit that without HIM we could not make it. Without HIM coming through we would not survive. It was in that moment that it became crystal clear to me. Like suddenly knowing that God placed it on my heart. And it was that this world . . .well, MY WORLD, was accumulated with STUFF! Material possessions were what was keeping me from wanting to walk away with reckless abandon. I knew what was at risk here! My home! My house! Lord, you know what I make a year working as a Counselor at a public school. You want us to survive on that? Really! Because you (God) and I both know that it will never ever work! NEVER! Ironically my husband and I made about the same thing so it was like cutting our combined income completely in half. And on paper, it was just not adding up. But none of this mattered. All that mattered at that point was that the fight with God was over, we were waving our white flag and saying, "YES LORD! OK, we get it! Our time here is ending!" So we agreed! Completely TRUSTING! Completely KNOWING this was the will of the Lord in our life. And just like that it was OVER! GONE! DONE! NO turning back! Because we knew our obedience to the Lord was ALL that mattered at that time. I didn't even care if we did loose everything. I just wanted my husband, my kids, (and maybe the cat and dog depending on the day) and JESUS! MY LORD! MY GOD! At that point honestly, all that mattered was our obedience and our relationship with the LORD and our relationship as husband and wife. It was crazy that we were completely both on the same page. There was not even an argument about it. I'll never forget standing in the kitchen as my husband shared with me the news and I just looked at him through tears and said, "this is it isn't it? It's time!" and together with the Lord, we walked away. I would never want anyone to think that it was just that easy because there was so much involved. So much grief. Pain! So much that we loved. So many people that meant so much to us but when you know it's God's calling you just know that you have to be obedient. At that moment, our obedience to the Lord was all that mattered!

But then there was the SILENCE from many! That was the hardest part. The unexpected part. The most hurtful part. No words from some. People we loved! People we had served alongside for many years (some even for 10 years)! But even in that, the Lord has reassured us time-after-time that HE and only HE knows the hearts and thoughts of man! ONLY HE has to understand the decision that we made for our family! We know HE ordained it and HE alone is the only one we will answer to. And with that, I just have to let HIM handle the hurt and all the misunderstandings because only HE can. Today I am thankful through God's infinite grace and because HE loves us, that HE immediately brought others along side of us from all areas of ministry to love on us and walk with us! We are thankful for close friends and family who have loved us through this as well!  I am forever thankful for these that the Lord sent!  

So . . . where do we go from here? We run into the arms of our sovereign Father! We run to HIM with all that we have! Where do you turn when you are at the end of your bridge with no road in sight? You RUN to HIM! HE IS SOVEREIGN! RUN TO JESUS! Do you think for one second that God, the creator and father of the universe is not aware of your situation or circumstance? Do you think that He is in anyway shocked about what is happening? HE is LORD! In fact, that situation or circumstance was ordained by HIM! Trust me HE KNOWS! He knows exactly where you are! 

But LORD I am AFRAID --  and the word says: 

"Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God;

I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. "

- Isaiah 41:10

But Lord I am all ALONE -- and the word says:

 "It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.” 

- Deuteronomy 31:8

But Lord I just want to HIDE -- and the word says:

"Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there, If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me,and your right hand shall hold me." 

-- Psalm 139:7-10

But Lord I am CONFUSED -- and the word says:

"For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. . . "

- I Corinthians 14:33

But Lord I am HURT -- and the word says:

 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[a] for those who are    called according to his purpose."

-Romans 8:28

But Lord I just DON'T UNDERSTAND --and the word says:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths." 

- Proverbs 3:5-6

But Lord this is NOT MY PLAN -- and the word says:

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord." 

- Isaiah 55:8

But Lord this is TOUGH -- and the word says:

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

-John 16:33

And there are many more! Many more promises and words from God is HIS book that tell us; that promise us to TRUST HIM! Is this easy? NOT AT ALL! Do I have this all figured out? NOPE! There are days that are easy but there are days that are very very hard! I KNOW one thing for sure, we have taken the step towards obedience and towards trusting HIM with all that we have and I will never forget the lessons HE is teaching us through this process. Not a day goes by that HE doesn't show us more of who HE is. And the days I don't want to move, the days it just seems that I can't bare it . . . those are the days I say, "Lord, I can't today! This is a day I need you to carry me!" And HE does! And HE will carry you!

You see, the LORD has a plan for our family! The LORD has a plan for YOU! A PERFECT PLAN! A perfect plan that HE has always known about! A plan that HE began working on even before the earth was created. Before YOU were created! Before WE were created! He knew that one day this would come upon us and He knew how the outcome was going to be! HE knows how the story ends because HE is the author. He knew that He had an amazing job and an amazing church waiting right there for us. Did we know this at the time? No, we honestly didn't! We had no idea  . . . but I KNEW in my heart HE would never forsake us and that HE was not going to leave us! We clung to HIM and to HIS word! In that time in March when things looked so bad, when things were so confusing, when things appeared to be falling apart, God was right there working everything out for us. Moving us in the direction HE had for us! An amazing job opportunity for Chris to begin teaching was right there waiting for him. Had this situation happened just a few weeks after that second week in March the opportunity would have just slipped away! But God knew this was what HE had for him! And it was all in HIS perfect timing! It was kind of crazy how everything just feel into place. From the job opening, to the timing of the last class that he needed for his teaching license, and the list just goes on-and-on . . .! And the church! A church that has welcomed us with open arms and has allowed Chris to continue with playing music which he loves, that he was gifted by God for! To being able to serve the Lord along side other believers who strive for authenticity and a deeper walk with HIM! To the sweet ladies in my women's group where you try to avoid having to answer because you know you will cry. And when you look up they are crying with you! But sweet ladies who have come along side me and loved me and challenged me to walk deeper with HIM! Chris and I sat down just the other day to reflect on God's goodness. Oh, HE IS GOOD! His perfect plan for our lives and His provision for our lives! And we were in complete awe! I stand amazed by all HE has done and all HE will continue to do! And it just took one step . . . one very scary step towards obedience! What step do you need to take today towards obedience? What is GOD calling you to do today? Trust HIM my friend! TRUST HIM! HE will not let you go! Let HIM CARRY YOU!

OH LORD but what if I FAIL? Oh but my sister or brother in Christ . . . 

with the LORD, you will never fail because HE will NEVER fail you! 

"But they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint." -- ISAIAH 40:31