Sunday, August 12, 2012
The Childless Mother
My phone rings often once, twice, sometimes three times a week of people who are beginning their adoption journey. I'm not sure why the Lord has continued to allow me the privilege of ministering to these families but Oh, I am so very thankful. Adoption is my passion and I love each and every family that God sends my way. I'm not sure if it's because I have been where they are or simply because it is a passion that God instilled in me early in my life. No one in my family has ever adopted before so I don't even know or understand where this desire for adoption comes from but I have to give full credit to the Lord. And I am thankful.
I have been reflecting this week on "the childless mothers" who are struggling with their own issues of adoption, infertility, and their longing desire to become a mother. I often reflect back on that particular own time in my life where I longed to have a child of my own. I even remember sitting in a service one Sunday near Christmas when the pastor was going over some Christmas ideas/traditions that you could begin with your family and I just remember sitting there crying because we didn't have any kids of our own. I know what it feels like to want something so bad but there is nothing humanly possible that you can do to make that dream come true. I remember when friends would become pregnant and be scared to share with me their joy of becoming a mother. I was honestly always so very happy for them but would honestly think to myself "why not me"? "Have I done something wrong"! Well, the answer to both of those was simply "NO"! God just had a different plan for my life. And one that was WAY better than the one I had set out before myself. God knew that in the late month of March in 2001 that a beautiful baby girl would be born to a birth mother who simply could not care for her. She loved her dearly and just wanted the best life for her daughter therefore choosing adoption. God would also know that I was the childless mother and she was the motherless child whose lives would intersect on that precious day providing both needs in both our lives. For her to have a mother and for me to have a child. I know I could never replace her birth mother and never have I tried. God is simply allowing me the privilege of raising her and for that I am so thankful!
So what about the "childless mothers" who still have not had their prayers answered? For them my heart aches and I too wonder for them. But I know our God is sovereign! I often think about the women who have influenced me in my own life who were not actually my birth mother. I think back to my Sunday school teacher, my school counselor, my cheerleading sponsor, my friend's mothers, my mother-in-law, my CBD leader, my youth pastor's wife, . . . the list would honestly go on and on and on! My mother played a HUGE role in my life guiding me and teaching me strength! To this day she would go out of her way to provide for anything I needed. These other women too played a huge role in my life in many different ways even though they were not my mother. I look at a dear friend of our family who attends my church and admire her from a distance not only for what she has meant to my family but what she means to so many women and ladies in our church. She too struggles with not being a mother in the sense of the world but she is far more of a mother than anyone else I know. She has a true desire for the word of God and a true desire that all women know about true salvation through conversion. To me, she is a mother. I look to her and see her "mothering" many many women and wonder where these women would be if she was not ministering to them. God brought her into their lives for a reason and through her obedience to her calling she is called Blessed. I look to her and know that she will receive the crown of motherhood when she is called to glory because she has loved many, ministered to many, and "mothered many". Even to me in ways she probably does not even know. Scripture is very clear, we are to minster to those behind us preparing the next generation. I think back to my list of those who "mothered" me and wonder where I would be without them. They taught me things, directed me, and encouraged me and for them I am so thankful! We are called to be there for those who need us. We are to be there for those who God brings into our life each and every day that we can minister to and love on. God has brought them into your life for a reason and I hope that we do not miss this amazing opportunity to "mother" them.
And I am speaking to myself. I have been convicted about doing my part to minister to those behind me. I have started praying that the Lord would purposely bring people into my life that need encouragement and need someone to minister to them. I have decided to be intentional in this mission. I will first start with my own daughter whom the Lord has blessed me with. I pray daily that I will be a witness to her, an example to her, and inspiration to her to be a "mother" to those who need her throughout her life! I pray that the Lord will continue to give me these opportunities each and every day. So are you willing? Are you willing to purposely seek those in your home, in your workplace, in your neighborhood, in your church? Those that need someone to "mother" them!
I leave you today with a quote out of one of my most favorite books. It's called You Are Captivating:Celebrating A Mother's Heart by Stasi Eldredge.
"All women are called to mother. And all women are called to give birth. Women give birth to all kinds of things: to books, to churches, or to ministries. To ideas, to creative expressions, to movements. We birth life in others by inviting them into deeper realms of healing, to deeper walks with God, to deeper intimacy with Jesus. A woman is not less of a woman because she is not a wife or has not physically borne a child. The heart and life of a woman is much more vast than that. All women are made in the image of God in that we bring forth life. When we offer our tender and strong feminine hearts to the world and to those we love, we cannot help but mother them".
I pray daily for "the childless mother". I honestly do! I pray that the Lord would open their womb or open up an opportunity for adoption to expand their family. Chris and I have experienced both and neither one is more dear to us than the other. I remember holding my daughter for the first time and whispering a simple heart felt prayer: "Oh, dear Lord! Your ways are perfect. Thank you for not allowing me to get pregnant"! Because if so, I would have missed out on one of the greatest blessings of my life. I would have missed out on my daughter. I know that is so hard for many to understand but I knew the minute I held her that the Lord had a plan for both of our lives. He knew far better than I that our lives would intersect on that day!
THE LORD IS SOVEREIGN AND HIS WAYS ARE PERFECT!
Psalm 139
Monday, June 25, 2012
In the Meantime!
"For a thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, . . ." Psalm 90:4
So how many of you have ever waited for something in your life? Something to happen, an answer, a miracle, the cashier at your local supermarket (we all know about that). Waiting, waiting, waiting . . .! We all have! We have all wanted something in our life but have had to wait for God to fulfill that request or to answer that prayer. It is all part of daily living. It is very rare that we want something and we immediately have it at our finger tips. Many times we find ourselves waiting for that moment or that answer to come and we often get consumed "in the waiting"! I have often times found myself in this same situation where I have had to wait on God! So I've often wondered what do we do "in the meantime"? The time where we are waiting on God to answer that request. I remember while in high school I "couldn't wait" to graduate and start college. While in college I "couldn't wait" until I again graduated. When I got my first job I "couldn't wait" until I got married. When I got married I "couldn't wait" until we had children (that's a big one for me and my husband Chris)! Well, the list could just keep going and going and going and so could that list for many of you!
So my question for myself and for you today is "WHAT ARE WE DOING IN THE MEANTIME"!
I remember that day very well for me, probably could tell you what I was even wearing and what my hair looked like. I remember it vividly that I had gone to classes all day at Ole Miss and then attended aerobics with my room mate later that afternoon. I had a typical doctors appointment and knew she would tell me the same thing that she had been telling me for the past two years. "Well, Ms. Lauren things look great to me, see you next year". However, this year things had been a little different and I began to explain to her that some things were changing for me just a bit. She decided to take some blood and ran some tests. Honestly at this point I didn't think a thing about it. About a week later she said she wanted to see me in her office for the results. She shared with me on the phone that it was truly nothing but she just wanted to talk to me about some of my blood work. Again, she assured me it was not cancer or anything serious she just wanted to talk. So I went in the next week and sat down to talk with her. She explained that my blood work and an exam showed that I was developing many, many small sized cysts on my ovaries and that I tested for Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was not scared but then she explained to me that having children would probably be very difficult. No medication was required at this point and there were follow up visits but nothing serious so another year goes by. During my senior year in college I met "THE ONE"!! Our first date was the night that I graduated college and thus began a courtship that would end in an engagement within the next six months. Around October I knew that things were getting pretty serious so I knew that I had to tell him about my issues of children. God knew in my heart that I always wanted to have children. I explained to him that this would probably be an issue so I would understand if he didn't not want to continue in our relationship. I remember his words very clearly when he said, "you know, there is always adoption"! I knew he meant well but I truly wanted him to think about what this might mean for his life. I very quickly said to him that he may never be a daddy! He again said that God was much bigger than that. The next month he proposed and we were married the following March. My doctor encouraged us to begin trying to have a child due to my diagnosis. Month after month it was always still the same! NEGATIVE! For the first year I was not too worried about it but after 18 months I went again to my doctor and she said there was nothing more she could do for us and that we had to see a specialist. I remember her saying that to be truly diagnosed "infertile" you had to go for 18 months without getting pregnant. WAITING, WAITING, AND WAITING! I remember sitting in her clinic after many months of different kinds of medications and she again hands me a prescription and says, this is the only thing that I know will help you! I didn't even want to look at another prescription, I didn't want to take another medicine that made me sick or feel bad, and I didn't want answers; I just wanted to be pregnant. I held it all in until I got to the car and looked at the prescription saying that I wasn't even going to fill it! Why should I keep trying! I looked at the script and couldn't believe what I saw. It was three scriptures that she wanted to share with me that were promises from the Bible that says God is always with you, He will never forsake you, and that God knows the desires of your heart! Well, we made it to our first fertility visit within the next month and were going over all the paperwork and we were totally overwhelmed. I remember looking at Chris and simply telling him that I just couldn't do it. He agreed and that is when we entered into the world of adoption and that my friends is when the waiting began . . . . .!
I have often lived my life from one moment to the next, waiting on the next big thing to occur and I have realized one thing! I am missing out on the "mean time". This is not what God has intended for me or for us. So many times we get caught up in the "next big thing" or the next moment that we forget to live life in the now. We forget that God calls us to live for Him each and every day. I remember in college while working on my Social Work degree that I would say, I will start ministry when I graduate. I look back now and see all the many many opportunities that I missed while I was at Ole Miss. Many opportunities to spread God's word. I waited and I missed out!! How many of us are missing out on the things that God has put right in front of us right in this moment. Are we putting off what God has called us to do because we are not married, we have no children, we are still in school, or that God has not answered that request? I sure hope not! I hope that you are taking each and every opportunity that God gives you to be a light for Him and to minister to the ones who need HIM! God has you right where you are for a specific reason. And in this moment that is exactly where God wants you! Look around you and see what God is wanting you to do with your life "in the meantime . . ."
God does not want you to miss out on your life while you are waiting and often times when we look back; we have learned more from the waiting . . .!
2 Peter 3:8-9
"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance".
So how many of you have ever waited for something in your life? Something to happen, an answer, a miracle, the cashier at your local supermarket (we all know about that). Waiting, waiting, waiting . . .! We all have! We have all wanted something in our life but have had to wait for God to fulfill that request or to answer that prayer. It is all part of daily living. It is very rare that we want something and we immediately have it at our finger tips. Many times we find ourselves waiting for that moment or that answer to come and we often get consumed "in the waiting"! I have often times found myself in this same situation where I have had to wait on God! So I've often wondered what do we do "in the meantime"? The time where we are waiting on God to answer that request. I remember while in high school I "couldn't wait" to graduate and start college. While in college I "couldn't wait" until I again graduated. When I got my first job I "couldn't wait" until I got married. When I got married I "couldn't wait" until we had children (that's a big one for me and my husband Chris)! Well, the list could just keep going and going and going and so could that list for many of you!
So my question for myself and for you today is "WHAT ARE WE DOING IN THE MEANTIME"!
I remember that day very well for me, probably could tell you what I was even wearing and what my hair looked like. I remember it vividly that I had gone to classes all day at Ole Miss and then attended aerobics with my room mate later that afternoon. I had a typical doctors appointment and knew she would tell me the same thing that she had been telling me for the past two years. "Well, Ms. Lauren things look great to me, see you next year". However, this year things had been a little different and I began to explain to her that some things were changing for me just a bit. She decided to take some blood and ran some tests. Honestly at this point I didn't think a thing about it. About a week later she said she wanted to see me in her office for the results. She shared with me on the phone that it was truly nothing but she just wanted to talk to me about some of my blood work. Again, she assured me it was not cancer or anything serious she just wanted to talk. So I went in the next week and sat down to talk with her. She explained that my blood work and an exam showed that I was developing many, many small sized cysts on my ovaries and that I tested for Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome. I was not scared but then she explained to me that having children would probably be very difficult. No medication was required at this point and there were follow up visits but nothing serious so another year goes by. During my senior year in college I met "THE ONE"!! Our first date was the night that I graduated college and thus began a courtship that would end in an engagement within the next six months. Around October I knew that things were getting pretty serious so I knew that I had to tell him about my issues of children. God knew in my heart that I always wanted to have children. I explained to him that this would probably be an issue so I would understand if he didn't not want to continue in our relationship. I remember his words very clearly when he said, "you know, there is always adoption"! I knew he meant well but I truly wanted him to think about what this might mean for his life. I very quickly said to him that he may never be a daddy! He again said that God was much bigger than that. The next month he proposed and we were married the following March. My doctor encouraged us to begin trying to have a child due to my diagnosis. Month after month it was always still the same! NEGATIVE! For the first year I was not too worried about it but after 18 months I went again to my doctor and she said there was nothing more she could do for us and that we had to see a specialist. I remember her saying that to be truly diagnosed "infertile" you had to go for 18 months without getting pregnant. WAITING, WAITING, AND WAITING! I remember sitting in her clinic after many months of different kinds of medications and she again hands me a prescription and says, this is the only thing that I know will help you! I didn't even want to look at another prescription, I didn't want to take another medicine that made me sick or feel bad, and I didn't want answers; I just wanted to be pregnant. I held it all in until I got to the car and looked at the prescription saying that I wasn't even going to fill it! Why should I keep trying! I looked at the script and couldn't believe what I saw. It was three scriptures that she wanted to share with me that were promises from the Bible that says God is always with you, He will never forsake you, and that God knows the desires of your heart! Well, we made it to our first fertility visit within the next month and were going over all the paperwork and we were totally overwhelmed. I remember looking at Chris and simply telling him that I just couldn't do it. He agreed and that is when we entered into the world of adoption and that my friends is when the waiting began . . . . .!
I have often lived my life from one moment to the next, waiting on the next big thing to occur and I have realized one thing! I am missing out on the "mean time". This is not what God has intended for me or for us. So many times we get caught up in the "next big thing" or the next moment that we forget to live life in the now. We forget that God calls us to live for Him each and every day. I remember in college while working on my Social Work degree that I would say, I will start ministry when I graduate. I look back now and see all the many many opportunities that I missed while I was at Ole Miss. Many opportunities to spread God's word. I waited and I missed out!! How many of us are missing out on the things that God has put right in front of us right in this moment. Are we putting off what God has called us to do because we are not married, we have no children, we are still in school, or that God has not answered that request? I sure hope not! I hope that you are taking each and every opportunity that God gives you to be a light for Him and to minister to the ones who need HIM! God has you right where you are for a specific reason. And in this moment that is exactly where God wants you! Look around you and see what God is wanting you to do with your life "in the meantime . . ."
God does not want you to miss out on your life while you are waiting and often times when we look back; we have learned more from the waiting . . .!
2 Peter 3:8-9
"But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance".
Monday, June 18, 2012
RED FLAGS!
Have you ever been in the position to have to make a choice? A choice that no matter what you choose it would have a direct effect on your on life as well as those around you? Our last year in the Johnson household has been about choice, change, obedience, doing what we know in our heart is right. Sometimes these choices were easy because we knew what God was calling us to do but what about those hard choices? The ones where there is not a direct clear answer. The ones when you have to completely turn over to God and let Him take control and let Him totally lead you in your decision. Sometimes I think that we get so comfortable in our daily lives that we forget what it means to fully trust in God. To completely let Go and GIVE it to God. Thankfully when we are followers of Christ He will NOT leave us in the state of complacency. He will not ever just leave you where you are. When you become comfortable or at the point that you "think" you can live life on your own He totally sweeps down and shakes things up JUST so you will remember that each and everyday we are called to trust Him. Not just in the big things, or the small things, BUT IN ALL THINGS!
As I sit here and write this blog (which is my very first attempt at blogging) my heart is still very very heavy concerning a "life" choice that I was forced to make. It's been a week now and my heart is beating so fast and my eyes are filling with tears because the choice I was forced to make last Monday is one that a wife and mother would never want to have to make. It was a total choice about the life of my husband, the life of my son, and my own life. I find this very difficult to even write about this very minute but I have to share what the Lord has taught me! It's not that I want to share this, I HAVE to share this! God will not let me let this go until I put it down! I'm hoping that I can get some relief from this nagging in my heart that many times in our lives we ignore the BIG RED FLAGS!
Have you ever held your family so close that you had them within arms length but no matter what you did you could not reach them or touch them? They were right beside you but no matter how much you fought, no matter how much you reached out you could not "save them"! Have you ever had to look at your husband then look at your son and decide who you would rescue? As I approached Chris on the ocean that day I was returning to the water because Hayden had left his boogie board on the beach and I wanted him to have it! As I approached Chris and Hayden in the water I knew in my heart and in my mind that something immediately was wrong. Terribly wrong. As soon as I got to them in the water that day I saw him push Meredith on her boogie board and I heard him tell her to ride the wave all the way to the beach. I then notice the sheer look of terror on his face and realize that Chris is completely submerged under water. I see the waves coming crashing up over his head and hear him sucking in water and hyperventilating. I see him holding Hayden high above his head and see that Hayden is trying to stand on his daddy's back gasping for breath but taking on water. In an instant I see Chris push Hayden towards me and hear him telling me to get to the shore. I will never forget the moment I look back at the shore and realize that we are being pushed farther and farther back into the ocean. I began to fight immediately to move closer to the shore but I'm getting nowhere. I see Chris fighting for his life and fighting the current but moving farther and farther back. I hear him begin to scream for help. I hear Hayden scream for his daddy, then hear him say in a whisper, "Lord please help us", then scream, "someone help us"! At this very moment I realize that we are fighting for our lives! I look back and Chris and as a trained lifeguard I see quickly that he is truly drowning. I reach for him but nothing!! I have Hayden! I can't save them both. I'm holding on the only thing that is keeping me afloat knowing that the water was way over my head and wave after wave is steadily crashing over our heads. Hayden and Chris are still sucking in the water but something told me just to keep swallowing the water. I look at Chris one last time as he motions for me to go. Get out! Get him to the shore! I freeze and try to decide in my mind how I can save both of them! There's no way! In that moment of desperation I give him the only thing that is helping me stay afloat. The boogie board. As Chris is steadily going under I knew he was going to drown. I send the boogie board to him and look back at him one last time! I must get moving. I try and try to swim but I'm caught in the current, I can't move, we are going no where and I can't breath, I can't see, I drop Hayden in the water and have to dig my way around to find him again and bring him to the surface. He is in full panic mode and tries to climb on my head. I grab him and have to tell him through tears that he can't take me under or we will both die. A crowd is forming on the beach and no matter how much we yell they can not help us, they can not get to us! I've totally lost Chris at this point and then again loose Hayden in the water. I think in my head we are not going to make it! This is it! My foot brushes against the sand at the bottom of the ocean and I'm able to push my way on top of the water but again, wave after wave is coming over my head. I find Hayden again and cling to him trying to keep us both on top of the water. I'm kicking and kicking and trying to explain to him that he has to swim parallel. I let go of him for a second telling him to literally swim for his life, kick as hard as you can, move those arms, move those arms, but quickly I see that he can't do it! I can't let him go! I'm physically exhausted. I can't move! Again, my foot hits the bottom and I begin to jump parallel to the beach with Hayden in my arms. I drop Hayden again but yell at him to jump up each time his foot his the sand! We are moving, we are moving, we are making progress. Thank God, I can see, I can breath, I'm not going to die out here! I'm not going to drown. Chris finds us in the water and takes Hayden to the shore. Chris will tell you that the only thing that saved him was the boogie board. I see that they are both safely to shore and see that Meredith is standing with a stranger who is taking care of her and I give up! I knew they were safe so I just quit fighting. At this point a complete stranger jumps in (despite the rip tide) and pulls me to shore! Chris is laying on the beach and Hayden is laid out right beside him. I've never seen someone breathing so hard but I was so thankful that they were both breathing! My body is so tired but I begin to cry immediately over the fear that had just over taken me! I have asked Chris a thousand times if this happened the way I think it did (those who know me well know I tend to overreact at times, LOL)! Chris has later admitted to me that he truly thought he was going to die in the water that day. I too thought we were truly going to die. There is no doubt that the Lord was with us that day watching over us, protecting us, "saving" us! There were a total of six other people who had to be pulled from the water that day in the same exact location due to rip tides. We were later told that over that weekend of bad weather over 22 people in all were pulled from the water and one did not survive. One did not survive.
As I have reflect on this event, the Lord has shown me that there are so many people, people that we know, people that we love; family, friends, loved-ones, who in their own lives are ignoring the RED FLAGS. The flags are there for a reason and ignoring them IS GOING to cost them their lives. How desperate are we to pray for them, show them Jesus, share our lives with them? Are we too busy? Do we have too much to do? Are we ignoring the RED FLAGS in our own lives? The ones that may not be too obvious? The ones that look like fun or seem to be OK but in the end will cost us our lives? I vividly remember being in the water at the moment that I thought we weren't going to make it, the moment that I thought I was going to die, I look at the shore and see kids playing, people laughing, people having a good time. The beach is fun, they were having a great time. You don't ever think that a day at the beach could end your life. Yes, you hear about drownings all the time but I'm one of those people that thinks, "that would never happen to me"! Well, a great day at the beach in the beautiful ocean almost cost my family their lives. We ignored the RED FLAG. We thought the flag did not apply to us. We were stronger than the flag. We can handle the flag. The spectators could not see that just a few feet away a family was being swept out into the ocean. We were struggling, we were fighting. They were oblivious that something terrible, horrific, even tragic was going on just a few feet away. How many people in our own lives are we ignoring? Standing by watching as they are being swept up into the "ocean of life, THE WORLD?" Are we on our knees praying for them, are we helping them in anyway or we just watching? ARE YOU A SPECTATOR? Watching as the "waves" of daily life are taking them under, crashing over their heads. Are you standing by them waving a RED FLAG?
"The Lord your God is in your midst, a MIGHTY ONE WHO WILL SAVE; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing".
Zephaniah 3:17
As I sit here and write this blog (which is my very first attempt at blogging) my heart is still very very heavy concerning a "life" choice that I was forced to make. It's been a week now and my heart is beating so fast and my eyes are filling with tears because the choice I was forced to make last Monday is one that a wife and mother would never want to have to make. It was a total choice about the life of my husband, the life of my son, and my own life. I find this very difficult to even write about this very minute but I have to share what the Lord has taught me! It's not that I want to share this, I HAVE to share this! God will not let me let this go until I put it down! I'm hoping that I can get some relief from this nagging in my heart that many times in our lives we ignore the BIG RED FLAGS!
Have you ever held your family so close that you had them within arms length but no matter what you did you could not reach them or touch them? They were right beside you but no matter how much you fought, no matter how much you reached out you could not "save them"! Have you ever had to look at your husband then look at your son and decide who you would rescue? As I approached Chris on the ocean that day I was returning to the water because Hayden had left his boogie board on the beach and I wanted him to have it! As I approached Chris and Hayden in the water I knew in my heart and in my mind that something immediately was wrong. Terribly wrong. As soon as I got to them in the water that day I saw him push Meredith on her boogie board and I heard him tell her to ride the wave all the way to the beach. I then notice the sheer look of terror on his face and realize that Chris is completely submerged under water. I see the waves coming crashing up over his head and hear him sucking in water and hyperventilating. I see him holding Hayden high above his head and see that Hayden is trying to stand on his daddy's back gasping for breath but taking on water. In an instant I see Chris push Hayden towards me and hear him telling me to get to the shore. I will never forget the moment I look back at the shore and realize that we are being pushed farther and farther back into the ocean. I began to fight immediately to move closer to the shore but I'm getting nowhere. I see Chris fighting for his life and fighting the current but moving farther and farther back. I hear him begin to scream for help. I hear Hayden scream for his daddy, then hear him say in a whisper, "Lord please help us", then scream, "someone help us"! At this very moment I realize that we are fighting for our lives! I look back and Chris and as a trained lifeguard I see quickly that he is truly drowning. I reach for him but nothing!! I have Hayden! I can't save them both. I'm holding on the only thing that is keeping me afloat knowing that the water was way over my head and wave after wave is steadily crashing over our heads. Hayden and Chris are still sucking in the water but something told me just to keep swallowing the water. I look at Chris one last time as he motions for me to go. Get out! Get him to the shore! I freeze and try to decide in my mind how I can save both of them! There's no way! In that moment of desperation I give him the only thing that is helping me stay afloat. The boogie board. As Chris is steadily going under I knew he was going to drown. I send the boogie board to him and look back at him one last time! I must get moving. I try and try to swim but I'm caught in the current, I can't move, we are going no where and I can't breath, I can't see, I drop Hayden in the water and have to dig my way around to find him again and bring him to the surface. He is in full panic mode and tries to climb on my head. I grab him and have to tell him through tears that he can't take me under or we will both die. A crowd is forming on the beach and no matter how much we yell they can not help us, they can not get to us! I've totally lost Chris at this point and then again loose Hayden in the water. I think in my head we are not going to make it! This is it! My foot brushes against the sand at the bottom of the ocean and I'm able to push my way on top of the water but again, wave after wave is coming over my head. I find Hayden again and cling to him trying to keep us both on top of the water. I'm kicking and kicking and trying to explain to him that he has to swim parallel. I let go of him for a second telling him to literally swim for his life, kick as hard as you can, move those arms, move those arms, but quickly I see that he can't do it! I can't let him go! I'm physically exhausted. I can't move! Again, my foot hits the bottom and I begin to jump parallel to the beach with Hayden in my arms. I drop Hayden again but yell at him to jump up each time his foot his the sand! We are moving, we are moving, we are making progress. Thank God, I can see, I can breath, I'm not going to die out here! I'm not going to drown. Chris finds us in the water and takes Hayden to the shore. Chris will tell you that the only thing that saved him was the boogie board. I see that they are both safely to shore and see that Meredith is standing with a stranger who is taking care of her and I give up! I knew they were safe so I just quit fighting. At this point a complete stranger jumps in (despite the rip tide) and pulls me to shore! Chris is laying on the beach and Hayden is laid out right beside him. I've never seen someone breathing so hard but I was so thankful that they were both breathing! My body is so tired but I begin to cry immediately over the fear that had just over taken me! I have asked Chris a thousand times if this happened the way I think it did (those who know me well know I tend to overreact at times, LOL)! Chris has later admitted to me that he truly thought he was going to die in the water that day. I too thought we were truly going to die. There is no doubt that the Lord was with us that day watching over us, protecting us, "saving" us! There were a total of six other people who had to be pulled from the water that day in the same exact location due to rip tides. We were later told that over that weekend of bad weather over 22 people in all were pulled from the water and one did not survive. One did not survive.
As I have reflect on this event, the Lord has shown me that there are so many people, people that we know, people that we love; family, friends, loved-ones, who in their own lives are ignoring the RED FLAGS. The flags are there for a reason and ignoring them IS GOING to cost them their lives. How desperate are we to pray for them, show them Jesus, share our lives with them? Are we too busy? Do we have too much to do? Are we ignoring the RED FLAGS in our own lives? The ones that may not be too obvious? The ones that look like fun or seem to be OK but in the end will cost us our lives? I vividly remember being in the water at the moment that I thought we weren't going to make it, the moment that I thought I was going to die, I look at the shore and see kids playing, people laughing, people having a good time. The beach is fun, they were having a great time. You don't ever think that a day at the beach could end your life. Yes, you hear about drownings all the time but I'm one of those people that thinks, "that would never happen to me"! Well, a great day at the beach in the beautiful ocean almost cost my family their lives. We ignored the RED FLAG. We thought the flag did not apply to us. We were stronger than the flag. We can handle the flag. The spectators could not see that just a few feet away a family was being swept out into the ocean. We were struggling, we were fighting. They were oblivious that something terrible, horrific, even tragic was going on just a few feet away. How many people in our own lives are we ignoring? Standing by watching as they are being swept up into the "ocean of life, THE WORLD?" Are we on our knees praying for them, are we helping them in anyway or we just watching? ARE YOU A SPECTATOR? Watching as the "waves" of daily life are taking them under, crashing over their heads. Are you standing by them waving a RED FLAG?
"The Lord your God is in your midst, a MIGHTY ONE WHO WILL SAVE; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing".
Zephaniah 3:17
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