I. LET. HER. GO. Into their hands!
I slowly walk out and look back what felt like a 100 times. Walk a few steps . . . look back, walk a few steps . . . look back, and so on and so on. I get in the car and can still see her in the security booth holding onto all her belongs with complete strangers. I want to stop the car and grab her and say, "sorry ladies but we have changed our mind. You see, I can't just LEAVE HER IN YOUR HANDS!"
But I do! And I drive away!
I turn onto the highway and I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder and a quick reminder from the Lord! "She was never in your hands! She has ALWAYS been in MY HANDS!" And then the tears start with emotional songs playing in the background on KLOVE (which is NOT helping)! And the panic sets in! OH LORD, was it ENOUGH?
WERE WE ENOUGH?
I reminded the Lord that she was with us for 495 days (as if HE didn't know)!
WAS IT ENOUGH?
Did she see YOU in us? Did she see a mom and a dad who loved each other but more importantly who loved THE LORD! Did she see YOU when she was hurting? Did she see YOU when she was upset? Did she see YOU when she made mistakes? Did she see YOU when we made mistakes? Did she see YOU when she made bad choices? Did we LOVE her through these bad choices? Oh LORD, did she see the real YOU in our home? In that moment I became overwhelmed with DID WE LOVE HER ENOUGH? Did we teach her enough? Did she see YOU in everything? Our days are up and my prayer is that we were ENOUGH and I'm overwhelmed with the thought that maybe we messed up a long the way. That we were NOT ENOUGH! We let her go too soon! We need more time. But then I stop and the Lord quickly reminds me of promises from HIS word:
You see . . . we were NEVER ENOUGH! And we will NEVER BE ENOUGH! Only JESUS can! HE is the only ONE that is ever ENOUGH! HE is the only one that brings salvation. HE is the only one who can direct their paths. HE is the only one they can turn to when man lets them down! HE is the only one who IS ALL sufficient and NEVER changing! HE alone is the ONLY ONE who can draw them to HIMSELF! And there is freedom in that! Freedom in knowing that the LORD allowed her here with us for a short time! A time to teach her about who HE IS! Oh my prayer today is that she did SEE JESUS! My prayer for her is that the LORD is real in her life! That she would never ride on the coat tales of "our" salvation, "my" salvation but her own salvation. Salvation that comes from her own brokenness and her own repentance! Because in our own strength we can do NOTHING for her!
So today . . . we are letting her go! Letting her move out from under the blanket of protection from our home where we can no longer guard her or shield her! She moves to a place where she will be forced to depend on NOTHING but HIM! NOTHING BUT JESUS! And I know and that trust that HE ALONE WILL CARRY HER!
After 30 minutes in the car alone and in complete silence (because the radio is just too much!) I hear my phone beep with a text! I glance down and there is it! Three simple words from her that say, "I love you!"
And with that I let out a deep breath and I say softly, "I LOVE YOU TOO!" . . . I let her go!
"I love you too sweet girl! When the world lets you down! When you feel alone, HOLD ONTO JESUS! HOLD ONTO HIM! HE is the ONLY ONE WHO WILL CARRY YOU!"
"I will Ms. Lauren! I promise I WILL!"
"Who am I without your grace?
another smile another face
another breath a grain of sand
passing quickly through your hand
I give my life an offering
take it all take everything
Let them see you in me
Let them hear you when I speak
Let them feel you when I sing
let them see YOU
just let them see YOU in me."
